Truly Russian Invention: Man Patients Fecal Shell

Recently, Marc Abrahams, the founder of the Ig Nobel Prize and the editor of Annals of Improbable Research magazine, has found an amazing invention by Aleksandr Georgievich Semenov from Russia.

Aleksandr Georgievich Semenov patented an efficiently disgusting weapon system, Abrahams writes for The Guardian. Using his method, soldiers inside an armoured tank, under battle conditions, can dispose of their biological waste products in an unwasteful way: encasing those materials, together with explosives, in artillery shells that they then fire at the enemy.

The patient officially titled “Method of Biowaste Removal from Isolated Dwelling Compartment of Military Facility and Device or Its Implementation” was registered by Rospatent in 2009.

The 12-page patient with only two drawings actually describes... a fecal bomb.

“method provides removal of biowaste from the isolated dwelling compartment of military facility by placing them into a insulated vessel and its removal outwards the facility with the insulated vessel by an artillery mount without loss of pressurisation of the dwelling compartment. A device for implementing the said method includes tightly sealed container for containing body wastes and/or other biowastes, made in the form of a container with the possibility of its removing outwards the dwelling compartment and the facility in whole by an artillery mount,” says the patient’s English part. However, Aleksandr Georgievich Semenov has sent Marc Abrahams the full translation of the patient.

Figure 1 shows the entire tank in cutaway side view. A single crewman perches inside. Beneath him, an empty shell collects the waste that emerges from his anus.

Here's how the patent describes the scene, with numbers referring to specific items in the drawing:

“A military man (3) puts the wastes (8) into the capacity (7) directly (fig.1) or in two steps. After it's complete or, if it is necessary, incomplete filling the capacity is tightly sealed by the cover.”

The key action is in one sentence: “The gun charged with special projectile is targeted on a safety zone or on any enemy target which is worth for catching it.”

As the projectile leaves the tank, it removes what would eventually have become a source of stinking misery for the poor soldiers who, in combat, could be forced to remain sealed inside their vehicle for several days.

That misery transfers directly, forcefully away through the air, smacking into and dabbing onto the enemy.

This method of warfare aims to kill the enemy's spirit and psyche. The patent conveys this fact in spirited, if not belletristic, language:

“Except damaging factors, significance of which is secondary in this case, the military psychological positive effect takes place: comprehension of the facts of 'delivering' and distribution on enemy territory (on equipment and uniform of an enemy) by the staff as well as the opportunity of informing other soldiers and the enemy about it. As a result, in addition to the basic purpose reaching (full wastes removal) additional military-psychological and military-political effects are achieved.”

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