«Children like beaten dogs». A Belarusian woman cannot get her sons back, whom her ex-husband secretly took to Luhansk
For more than six months, a woman has been struggling with the bureaucratic system of two countries. Her ex-husband, a native of Luhansk, is holding the children in an occupied region, has changed their citizenship, and is demanding money from the mother.
Photo: Pavel Rusak / Tochka.by
Olga Shabayeva's hands tremble as she shows her phone with a Russian SIM card: from time to time, notifications arrive there asking to go to a shelter due to missile attacks.
Currently, the woman's two children are in Luhansk — a dangerous city where there is often no heating or electricity.
Eight months ago, her ex-husband, a Ukrainian, secretly took their sons to his hometown and changed their citizenship to Russian. Formally, it cannot be called kidnapping, because both parents are legal representatives of the children, and there was no court decision on determining the boys' place of residence.
Yaroslav is nine years old, Dima is six. They are not even allowed to communicate with their mother by phone. For several months, Olga has been knocking on all doors in both countries, trying to bring her children home, but only receives boilerplate responses. Tochka.by listened to the story of a mother in despair.
Difficult family life and a complicated divorce
Olga's ex-husband, Alexey, moved to Belarus from Luhansk in 2014, immediately after the start of hostilities. That's how they met.
«It seemed like everything was fine, I fell in love. Then we had a child. We didn't get married right away, but when the baby grew up a bit,» Olga recounts.
She recalls her family life reluctantly, omitting many details. She says she now understands that she made many mistakes back then.
«You know, I'm one of those women who believed: now he's a father, everything will change. But it only got worse. Everything could be good for three weeks, then a breakdown again… And promises again. It's some kind of female fantasy that one day everything can go differently,» Olga admits.
The last straw was when the man started raising his hand against his wife.
«The divorce was difficult, with calls to the police, and the whole process lasted 11 months,» Olga shows the papers.
Now the woman realizes that she made the main mistake then: she should have initially determined the children's place of residence through court. But she had no idea what it could turn into. The sons simply stayed to live with their mother — back then, there were no disagreements between the couple on this issue.
Photo: Pavel Rusak / Tochka.by
«I did not forbid the children to communicate with their father. They saw each other, visited him on weekends,» says the Belarusian woman.
Secretly took his sons to Luhansk
According to Olga, her ex-husband did not financially participate in the children's lives. At the same time, he actively sought the division of jointly acquired property. And twice: once he received money from his wife by receipt, and then decided to sue again, nine months after the divorce. The court sided with Olga.
«He didn't work, played computer games, and gambled at casinos. Essentially, we lived at my expense. Even after the divorce, he moved to a rented apartment, which his mother paid for,» Olga recounts.
She cannot speak without tears, as she has practically not seen or communicated with her children for more than six months.
«Last summer, he began to insist that he wanted to take his sons to the sea, to Sudak. Allegedly, his relatives there had housing, the children were expected, and I, being so unkind, didn't let them communicate. But he never made it to the sea,» Olga cries.
The man informed her that the children would not return to her on the day he was supposed to bring them back: he said, «Hand over their things — and that's it.»
Attempts to resolve legally
Olga immediately took action. The next day, June 28, 2025, she filed a police report. But formally, the mother and father are the legal representatives of the children. The ex-husband did not abduct them: they can stay with him if not otherwise determined by a court.
«I immediately filed a lawsuit in court to determine the children's place of residence with me,» the woman recounts.
It turned out that her ex-husband was in Luhansk with his parents. He obtained Russian citizenship and arranged it for the children. Later it was revealed that the husband also prepared a lawsuit to determine the boys' place of residence with him.
In August, Olga tried to seek justice through the Ministry of Justice of Belarus and filed an application via international channels — regarding the unlawful retention of children. This refers to the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction. According to it, a child unlawfully taken or retained by one parent in another signatory country must be returned home as soon as possible. The authorities of occupied Luhansk, where Russian laws currently apply, are obliged to be guided by these norms.
And here there are two nuances that both the Belarusian side and Olga's lawyers rely on.
Firstly, if judicial proceedings to determine the children's place of residence were initiated in one country, then a similar case in another state cannot be considered in parallel. Olga filed her lawsuit before her husband. Secondly, a dispute considered under an international convention implies the suspension of cases on the same issues in ordinary courts.
But here the problems begin: it turned out that laws in occupied Luhansk now work in a peculiar way.
«The Russian side has not responded yet. Both countries signed this convention. Such cases should be resolved on a priority basis, and all other courts should suspend similar processes. Our court suspended the case, but the Luhansk court did not. They don't care,» Olga recounts.
Belarusian agencies shrug their shoulders and say they have done everything possible, and now it's the Luhansk side's turn.
«So, it turns out that you can just take two small citizens of Belarus, change their citizenship, and no one can help?» the woman asks.
Courts that shouldn't exist
In Luhansk, three court hearings have already taken place on the ex-husband's claim. Olga might not have known about them if not for the local lawyers she hired. Her representatives accidentally heard that a case concerning Belarusian children would be heard in the city.
«I consulted with four lawyers in Luhansk. All of them told me: seek protection anywhere but here. They assure me that everything is corrupt, whoever could have left… There are no specialists,» Olga says.
The woman was denied her petition to suspend the case in Luhansk: formally, the court did not receive the necessary documents from Belarus about the parallel proceedings and the case under the international convention.
«I don't know how this happens: our side sends requests, but receives nothing in return. I offered to bring the documents myself, but they don't even want to listen there,» Olga assures.
At the last session, it was decided not to wait for answers, and a new date for the hearing was set for February 27.
«The lawyer in Luhansk says nothing will come of it: civil cases are not a priority, there are few judges… Her last similar case lasted a year and a half. I don't know which doors to knock on anymore,» the woman cries.
Photo: Pavel Rusak / Tochka.by
«He only wants money»
All this time, the mother can practically not communicate with her children — the father completely controls their phones.
During her first trip to Luhansk in October, Olga briefly managed to see her sons. She tried to pick up one boy from kindergarten. The child was handed over to the mother, but the father was immediately called.
«He rushed over, snatched my son from me, a fight broke out. The kindergarten guard just watched. And what could I do against a two-meter man?» Olga cannot hold back tears.
In occupied Luhansk, she also contacted the Investigative Committee, the prosecutor's office, and the Commissioner for Children's Rights. The answers from everywhere were identical: no signs of offenses are found in the actions of citizen Shabayev.
«He doesn't let me communicate with the children. I get through once a week at best. He controls them. As soon as something goes 'off-script,' the connection immediately breaks. The child tries to say how much he misses me, but then immediately takes his words back. The children are like beaten dogs,» Olga recounts.
At the end of January, she went to Luhansk again: two days on the road, dozens of checkpoints, kilometers of dangerous journey. She managed to see the children.
«The meeting was in a cafe. The sons were intimidated and constantly looked back at their father. It's harder for the elder, he understands more. And the younger one might blurt out: 'Oh, I'm not supposed to say that.' It's very painful,» Olga cries.
She tried to talk to her husband many times, even offered money. In response, she heard that he would get everything he wanted anyway.
«Only the third part of his lawsuit is about his sons. Everything else is about money. He wants two thousand dollars in alimony per month, demands to buy him an apartment. They only need money,» the Belarusian woman claims.
Currently, Olga continues to appeal to all possible authorities: from the police to consulates and Lukashenka. But so far, no one can help.
What to do?
Journalists tried to get comments from the Belarusian side. The Ministry of Foreign Affairs noted that the case is not entirely within their competence. It is impossible to speak of abduction here because there was no court decision on the children's place of residence — this is a matter for the Ministry of Internal Affairs.
Since a process under an international convention is currently underway, the case should be handled by the Ministry of Justice. Russian lawyers are confident that the case in Luhansk is already lost. The woman can only hope for the Belarusian side, which might be able to return its citizens to their homeland.
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